Category Archives: Blog

Saying No With Confidence

If you find yourself stressed because you’re consistently spending your nights and weekends at the office instead of spending time with family and friends, you’re not alone. Even when you’re working from home, you can get caught up in the never-ending work cycle. Being overworked in today’s business environment is so common, it’s almost par for the course. It shouldn’t be, and the good news is that it doesn’t have to be.

Learning how to reasonably and confidently say “no” can make all the difference in the world. Many of us, especially women, have a very difficult time with boundaries in the workplace. The dilemma for women is described by Linda Celestino in an article for Fortune: “Women in leadership roles who say no tend to be perceived as cold or ruthless, while men are referred to as strong and capable.”

The fear of not being seen as a team player, or even fear of reprisal, keeps employees chained to their desks, and that creates a very unhealthy situation with no work/life balance. With no time for self-care, rest or relaxation, there is no time for recuperation, and that is a straight line to burn yourself out.

Add to that the stress of the fear of losing your job during a global crisis, and you create a depressing scenario. According to a recent Gallup poll, “a record-high 25% of employed U.S. adults think they are likely to be laid off in the next year.”

Fortunately, it’s not all bad news. There are several ways to say no to extra work in a positive manner that will help recover your sense of well-being.

If you have difficulty discerning the types of things that are reasonable to say no to, here are some examples of scenarios to take a pass on:

• When the project is something someone else could accomplish better and in a shorter time frame and has no growth potential for your career path

• Assignments that will not contribute anything to the responsibilities and goals laid out by your manager

• Low-priority projects with impractical deadlines when you’re already working on a high-priority job

• Everyone’s most dreaded time sucker — the unnecessary meeting — is definitely a no.

When it’s time to say no, avoid details. In the book How to Say No without Feeling Guilty: And Say Yes to More Time, More Joy, and What Matters Most to You by Patti Breitman and Connie Hatch, they explain, “The more specific information you supply, the more likely the other person will be to: a) try to figure out a way to ‘solve the problem’ so that you can actually do the thing he wants you to do (which of course you don’t want to do), b) decide that your reason for saying no isn’t good enough and be miffed about it, or c) catch you in a lie (if you’re lying).”

Another helpful tactic is to buy yourself some time when you get ambushed with a request. Explain that you need time to consider the invitation and give a set time when you’ll get back to the requestor. Take a look at what’s already on your plate and what your calendar looks like and weigh the cost versus the benefits of taking on the job. When you’ve analyzed the impact it will have on your current workload, make a decision and communicate it to your colleague.

The decision doesn’t have to be a firm yes or no. If it’s a project you don’t have time for but you’d really like to sink your teeth into, negotiate to see if there is something you’re working on that can be reassigned, leaving you time for a new opportunity. If the assignment isn’t a good fit for whatever reason, offer reasonable alternatives. Perhaps you’d be happy to work on one aspect, such as presentation graphics, but don’t have time to do the research. Ask if that part can be assigned to an associate. Good negotiation skills will help you build a reputation as a team player.

If the request comes from your boss herself, instead of getting annoyed over the extra workload (after all, shouldn’t she already be aware of your overflowing to-do list?), take a deep breath and ask for a time the two of you can briefly meet. Take a list of all your current assignments and your calendar showing the deadlines you’re already committed to. Ask her to help you prioritize. Explain the consequences for the division and the company if you fail to meet any of your current commitments.

Be mindful of the language you use and don’t vent your frustration. By staying calm and confident, you should be able to negotiate your way to offload some of your workload, or, alternately, avoid taking on the new assignment. It’s worth the effort to keep your sanity.

To sum it up, in The Art of Saying No: How to Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time and Energy, and Refuse to Be Taken for Granted (without Feeling Guilty!), Damon Zahariades notes, “Once you possess the ability to say no with confidence and grace, and do so with regularity, you’ll notice changes in how others perceive you. They’ll have more respect for you; they’ll place a greater value on your time; and they’ll come to see you as a leader rather than a follower.”

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This article has previously been published on Forbes.

The Resilient Leader

It isn’t easy to give up entrenched behaviors. It requires the willingness to develop new skills, new attitudes and new understandings instead of your old way of thinking. Start with some self-reflection on your current perspectives of your job, organization and life. Honestly evaluate which ideas and actions have served you well and which haven’t.

In A Year of Resilience, Dr. Maureen Orey relates, “Resilience requires a sense of balance. Take the time to focus on your strengths while acknowledging any areas of potential development. By knowing your comfort zone and the aspects of your life and work that provide you with feelings of security and fulfillment, you’ll be better equipped to stay grounded to leverage your inner strength when times get tough.”

If you discover you’ve been stuck in a rut that’s getting you nowhere, it’s time to harness your confidence. Resilient people don’t dwell on the qualities they lack; they concentrate on their assets and how to best deploy them in times of difficulty or transformation.

Resilient leaders are decisive, willing to take appropriate risks and try new ideas. They have a strong sense of purpose and fully believe in self-empowerment. They’re self-assured and understand that if they make a decision that doesn’t fulfill the desired result, they can change course and try another tack.

Authors Sandy Asch and Tim Mulligan explain in Roar: How to Build a Resilient Organization the World-Famous San Diego Zoo Way, “Resilience is more than survival. It is the ability of the individual and the organization to endure while remaining true to closely held values. Resilient people and companies not only rebound from challenging circumstances, they seek out meaningful ways to learn from those experiences and build capacity for the future.”

I had the opportunity to lead a workshop for executives who’d paid consultants a significant amount of money to research what was impeding the productivity of their employees and what could be done to improve the situation. After carefully considering the detailed report, which explained the problem was due to an antiquated software program and suggested implementing a new, streamlined system at a truly reasonable cost, the executive team decided not to proceed.

It took a substantial bit of leadership counseling until I helped them understand that their fear and inflexibility would result in even worse productivity statistics in the future. The outdated program required more fixes with every month and would become obsolete within two years. Fortunately, the COO had been through a similar situation with a previous company and was able to convey the positive outcome of their commitment to becoming resilient from that point forward.

The changes you make to become more resilient aren’t made in a vacuum. The way you think about challenges needs to be effectively communicated with others who will join you on the journey. Cultivate positive relationships and build strong teams. Share what you’ve learned, and teach others to support transformation. Be compassionate throughout this process — some individuals and some organizations view change as the enemy.

Encourage them with productive feedback on a consistent basis. Help them to learn from their mistakes and develop a mindset that acknowledges failures are only temporary. Foster a desire in them to become effective by bolstering skills that need improvement and, more importantly, flex the abilities in which they excel.

It’s normal to fear the unknown, but by communicating effectively and frequently with those who will be impacted by the coming change, anxiety will be lessened and enthusiasm for the new direction will be increased. Helping them understand your expectations and intentions during the process will build trust.

At the end of the day, it’s important to take time for reflection. What strategies are working, and which ones are not? Should adjustments be made at this time, or do you need time to gather more data? Are you being mindful in your planning? If you don’t review the game tapes occasionally, how will you know what plays should be altered?

At Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street in Manhattan, the New York Public Library is guarded by a pair of lions sculpted from pink Tennessee marble. Former mayor Fiorello LaGuardia named them Patience and Fortitude in the 1930s for the virtues he believed his city would need in order to endure the current economic depression. These symbols also stand true for two of the qualities we all need to embrace change, live in the present moment and cultivate our capacity for resilience.

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This article has previously been published on Forbes.

Managing Stress For Greater Motivation

There is good stress and there is bad stress. The good kind is necessary for survival and involves the fight-or-flight response. When you see a lion stalking you through a cubicle jungle and you run into the VP’s office, shut the door and hide, that’s good stress keeping you alive. It makes you hyperaware, sends extra blood to your muscles and increases glucose levels to speed up your heart rate. When the threat is over, your body returns to its normal hormonal levels.

Unfortunately, chronic bad stress induces the same responses, but the body never gets the chance to reset itself. Living in a nearly constant state of stress causes all sorts of maladies. It causes elevated blood pressure and stress on the whole cardiovascular system. It also typically causes poor-quality sleep, digestive problems and a weak immune system.

If you think stress isn’t prevalent, you would be wrong. According to the American Psychological Association’s 2019 Stress in America survey, “More than three-quarters of adults report physical or emotional symptoms of stress, such as headache, feeling tired or changes in sleeping habits” and “Nearly half of adults say they have laid awake at night because of stress in the prior month.”

Quantifiable information on the effects of stress can be found in multiple studies. For example, researchers at Arizona State University performed an experiment with rats. They put each one into a maze with one of three corridors blocked off. They then put healthy (unstressed) rats back through the maze at a later time with the previously blocked corridor unblocked. These rats explored the new corridor, according to their natural curiosity.

When they performed the same experiment with rats that had been stressed, the rats did not show an interest in the newly unblocked corridor. This led researchers to the conclusion that the induced stress disrupted the ability of the rats to navigate by memory. On a positive note, once the stress was removed, the previously stressed rats performed normally in the maze.

Researchers hope this research information will eventually lead to a way in which to control how stress affects human brains.

When I work with companies that determine workplace stress is affecting the quantity and quality of work performed by their employees, we begin by finding out the main source(s) of the tension. Some of them come prepared with an anonymous employee survey, which speeds up the process. Other companies, some of whose executives are in denial, insist the work environment is perfect as it is and try to reject the possibility that their workplace is causing burnout, lack of intellectual acuity and an uptick in sick days used.

 A common stressor is differing expectations of productivity between upper management and the employees who actually perform the tasks. If management determines that each employee in the widget department should be able to produce 10 widgets per hour with no defects, and the actual number employees are able to produce without defects per hour is five, that is quite a disconnect and will understandably affect morale and cause negative stress in the workforce.

Another stressor I find on a frequent basis is management’s inflexibility toward the time an employee must be present at the office. If an employee is required to be at their desk from nine to five no matter what, that person is going to experience a high-stress level each time a situation occurs that causes a conflict.

For example, if their car is in the shop and they have to take alternate transportation, there may be limited options as to when they arrive at or depart from the office. What if Dad has to pick up little Jimmy from school because of a sudden illness? If work time flexibility isn’t built into the corporate structure, you may find employee retention to be a problem.

In the meantime, how can you manage negative stress in your daily life and the lives of your employees when it originates from your work environment?

I often suggest upper management should allow people to develop new skills. New skills can give them new tools to solve problems on the job, which reduces stress. A course on time management skills may help employees to prioritize their work and learn to control what they can and avoid dwelling on things they can’t control.

It is also important to give employees time to reflect on past successes. Having an employee of the month award, or some similar form of recognition, would be one way to accomplish this.

The American Psychological Association, who surveyed 3,617 adults in 2019, found that “44% of adults say they exercise or walk to manage stress and 47% say they listen to music.” Alternatively, “More than one third (37%) spend time with friends or family.” Why not create a walking club at work? Employees can be encouraged to take one of their daily breaks outdoors performing light exercise. Again, rewards presented for the walker logging the most steps per month can encourage participation.

There are various ways to combat stress in a person-by-person format. The Mayo Clinic suggests that each person make a stress inventory, writing down for one to two weeks every time they feel stressed, including a short explanation of each situation. When they finish the prescribed time period, they should assess the data that was collected. Each employee may find several commonalities as to what causes them to feel stress and how they typically react to that stress. Once they understand what drives them in those situations, they can begin to find ways to alter either the reoccurring situation or their reoccurring response to the situation.

Negative stress is not a situation that will get better when left alone. It is prevalent, and it is detrimental to the quality of life. There is no reason not to tackle it head on to improve the quality of life for yourself and your employees.

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This article has previously been published on Forbes.